As I post some useless messages on Facebook tonight, I realize that the emptiness inside me doesn't get filled in. It just gets tired after wandering inside me for one whole day. It exhausts itself and goes to sleep but it leaves a miserable discomfort to watch me over till it surfaces again. All this happens in a house of pain. As I fanatically try to run out and reach for the door, i realize that the touch of my hand on the door opens a dungeon of what I hate the most - chaos. As I fall through it, for a while I go numb. Too numb to regret that I should have never touched the door. It feels as if billions of needles poke through my body and embed in me. Eventually, I fall in a fire which burns me in an unbearable agony and since I know my emptiness will take over sooner or later, I start yearning for it. I wait for it to take over. Take over me. Take over my agony. And then I realize I am my agony.
Absorbed in these thoughts as I go on a nicotine- caffeine break, I try to distract myself by thinking about other people and not me. Worse.
" Why are humans borne with emotions. Why can't they be programmed to live a mechanical life. Why can't be they sent with a motive-list that they unconditionally have to fulfill. And once, they are done with that, why can't the battery of life just go off..." As smoke covers my face I curse myself for complicating my life.
People are strange. They change with time and then want time to change. And then want time to heal. So, time becomes the biggest variable in life. I stagnated and time died. I was reincarnated, i stagnated again, time died again. I am again reincarnated..and i have already started stagnating. Rest should follow...But how many corpses can I fit in one coffin?
I know how to learn from mistakes but I don't know how to abstain from repeating the same mistake again in a different set of conditions. It sounds lame. But, it isn't lame. It's horrendous. By the time I realize it was a mistake, I had already mistaken.
Somehow, there have been a few exceptions. Mistakes mistook me. I mistook people. And then people as mean yet subtle bastards(read humans) drifted apart, wishing me endurance to live through the ruins that they created for me. Some even forgot to wish. I crawled and cried, survived. I try not to create the same ruins for anyone ever in my life. But I did. Whether I regret doing that or not is a different story altogether.
Lesson of the day is that humans are the species which mentally stinks the most. There are good people and I have come across many. They are many bad as well. But the objects of disgust are the bad who are labelled good.
Can I ask for a change of tag that's tied across your neck please?..huh..
Absorbed in these thoughts as I go on a nicotine- caffeine break, I try to distract myself by thinking about other people and not me. Worse.
" Why are humans borne with emotions. Why can't they be programmed to live a mechanical life. Why can't be they sent with a motive-list that they unconditionally have to fulfill. And once, they are done with that, why can't the battery of life just go off..." As smoke covers my face I curse myself for complicating my life.
People are strange. They change with time and then want time to change. And then want time to heal. So, time becomes the biggest variable in life. I stagnated and time died. I was reincarnated, i stagnated again, time died again. I am again reincarnated..and i have already started stagnating. Rest should follow...But how many corpses can I fit in one coffin?
I know how to learn from mistakes but I don't know how to abstain from repeating the same mistake again in a different set of conditions. It sounds lame. But, it isn't lame. It's horrendous. By the time I realize it was a mistake, I had already mistaken.
Somehow, there have been a few exceptions. Mistakes mistook me. I mistook people. And then people as mean yet subtle bastards(read humans) drifted apart, wishing me endurance to live through the ruins that they created for me. Some even forgot to wish. I crawled and cried, survived. I try not to create the same ruins for anyone ever in my life. But I did. Whether I regret doing that or not is a different story altogether.
Lesson of the day is that humans are the species which mentally stinks the most. There are good people and I have come across many. They are many bad as well. But the objects of disgust are the bad who are labelled good.
Can I ask for a change of tag that's tied across your neck please?..huh..