All of Nothing

IF I EVER THOUGHT... If I ever thought I will be at peace I was so wrong simply If I ever thought You are the one who’ll protect I was so wrong ‘cos you couldn’t even hold me. Promises once again are broken Lies rise up with impunity Again you prove to disprove my belief Again you stomp my dignity. Fury rises and pain strangles Again my emotions cripple me My trust over you, you yourself shattered Leaving me again with misery. Claim you may to have loved me, But courage you lacked to save your identity Strength you lost to fight the blames And could bear all the fingers pointed at you ‘n’ me.. Horror reached its zenith Unanswered questions ate my belief As you return with your claim of love again Do you think the questions are relieved..? If I ever thought I can embrace bliss and pain shall leave I was so wrong simply ‘cos pain has kissed my life once and forever And peace is cursed by agony…

THE SAGA OF A BROKEN VOW You came and knocked at my heart Unanswered it went, ‘cos dead it was. Rose up to life ,breathing some peace But scared I remained, huddled with grief. Pretended to be dead , it didn’t respond Habit grew in fondness, Fondness in love.. But scared i remained, at every turn. Pieces of me fell again ‘cos this confession they couldn’t explain Hatred for self grew so strong, ‘cos I refused to accept a beginning so strange. Blamed for clinging to solace; I wondered how could I find life again As I discovered a new reason to exist, From confessing my love I couldn’t refrain. I knew I won’t kiss away the pain But all the doubts faded away.. I learnt to live in some misty hope But again…., scared I remained.. I found love when I never expected And it grew with everyday. Pain and chaos didn’t die though, But they started to disintegrate. I dreaded to lose this new place I knew my hopes will surely break.. Haunted I was to be struck by misfortune ‘cos I knew I will repen...

With insecurity I live; Scary realities break my myths; With a lost head and a bleeding heart, Every breath demands its bit! Absurdities and miseries have blended so well Craving for death increases its strength When thousands of needles prick my soul I don’t understand which one should I keep,which one to throw… The dark won’t help, The light can’t see Each day comes to suck my peace.. All this happens just ‘cos.. My wrongs overweigh me! I’m not what you think I just can’t be! So bury your expectations Which keep on suffocating me…

With all those silent tears With all that bitter pain When I rise my head to see I observe nothing has changed. The same indifferent eyes I observe The same distances I share The same hollow misunderstandings Which break me over and over. Moments may hold their significance But life seems to have lost its way.. Time follows its own pace But each moment gasps to find its space. The mystery of pain is still the same It remains as unknown and as strange And each disturbing wave when creeps and crawls; Leaves me with yet another strange pain. What crawls inside has engulfed my life Suffocating me but doesn’t let me die.. As a fierce storm it destructs As a scary promise it reverts It makes me run and hide, And shut my eyes in fear But again appears in front. A long time,a long way The same words,the same pain. I may scribble over for years May falll short of tears But the same strange unknown misery Will never change.

YOU DID IT AGAIN… I sit here numb,still I breathe Wishing my heart to arrest its beat A pinch of poison can do it all But killing myself is no damn a relief… Lieing for hours on my bed in the gloom Hating the light that comes through my window I think of ways to undo the pain , Bury my face in the bed to realize the blame… Wake up next morn’ to show up my face And pray if I could never rise up again.. Placed motionless with death into me, Suffocate my senses; not to feel that pain.. I was trying to kill my anger and distress Was coming to you to reach a settlement Before I could reach the end of my annoyance Was thrown and torn by what you said… You snatched away everything from my hands Didn’t care to turn back and see, I still surrender to find a reason For all you’ve done so ruthlessly… Your words are cold,frozen with indifference Hurt when you sound I feel a miserable pain You blame me for all the wrongs, But are blind to my repentance.. My charm towards life was a hollow pretense,...

Relief cries over bondage Tears lose speech Past laughs over me As I try to feel free.. The interrupted silence gets defeated by the play of words And I wait for a change at the next turn Change needs more than a defeated silence But futile trials words may overcome. Discomfort doesn’t wait for tears to stop And before I can uncoil my clogged thoughts – I surrender to the compulsion of happiness so false, Ridiculed by misery , I feel so small. The restlessness of a grey day Seems to end in the melancholic silence of night But the perturbances of my mind Carry on the unending fight. A fight which leaves me divided,defeated A clash of unsaid words and answerless revolt A protest which soars up in some or the other form But is hindered from revelation by all the norms…

I walk down the street to feel tears in my eyes I walk up again to feel they hide inside I go on my way to see things going worse But my faults I still don’t realize. Each day passes as another mistake Effortless I remain with excuses so fake I hate the purposelessness to its extreme And still don’t realize what is at stake.. A change is needed Or the need is changed Attached to both ,disturbances remain. Whatever view of time I take It hits me the same again and again. Nothing can I hold firm Sensing the loss,I grow numb I pull and push myself And stand yet again lost at the next turn. I slip away from me,not from life Struggle to live,crave to die. I dwell under something I haven’t defined And survive with unrealized mistakes in my mind. The cover of life conceals my scars It inhibits me and demands my powers. I wrap the cover tightly around, Not wanting to surrender, I indulge in a war. I lose far more than a lost fight And need to keep the wraps tight. At every...