All of Nothing

With insecurity I live; Scary realities break my myths; With a lost head and a bleeding heart, Every breath demands its bit! Absurdities and miseries have blended so well Craving for death increases its strength When thousands of needles prick my soul I don’t understand which one should I keep,which one to throw… The dark won’t help, The light can’t see Each day comes to suck my peace.. All this happens just ‘cos.. My wrongs overweigh me! I’m not what you think I just can’t be! So bury your expectations Which keep on suffocating me…

With all those silent tears With all that bitter pain When I rise my head to see I observe nothing has changed. The same indifferent eyes I observe The same distances I share The same hollow misunderstandings Which break me over and over. Moments may hold their significance But life seems to have lost its way.. Time follows its own pace But each moment gasps to find its space. The mystery of pain is still the same It remains as unknown and as strange And each disturbing wave when creeps and crawls; Leaves me with yet another strange pain. What crawls inside has engulfed my life Suffocating me but doesn’t let me die.. As a fierce storm it destructs As a scary promise it reverts It makes me run and hide, And shut my eyes in fear But again appears in front. A long time,a long way The same words,the same pain. I may scribble over for years May falll short of tears But the same strange unknown misery Will never change.

YOU DID IT AGAIN… I sit here numb,still I breathe Wishing my heart to arrest its beat A pinch of poison can do it all But killing myself is no damn a relief… Lieing for hours on my bed in the gloom Hating the light that comes through my window I think of ways to undo the pain , Bury my face in the bed to realize the blame… Wake up next morn’ to show up my face And pray if I could never rise up again.. Placed motionless with death into me, Suffocate my senses; not to feel that pain.. I was trying to kill my anger and distress Was coming to you to reach a settlement Before I could reach the end of my annoyance Was thrown and torn by what you said… You snatched away everything from my hands Didn’t care to turn back and see, I still surrender to find a reason For all you’ve done so ruthlessly… Your words are cold,frozen with indifference Hurt when you sound I feel a miserable pain You blame me for all the wrongs, But are blind to my repentance.. My charm towards life was a hollow pretense,

Relief cries over bondage Tears lose speech Past laughs over me As I try to feel free.. The interrupted silence gets defeated by the play of words And I wait for a change at the next turn Change needs more than a defeated silence But futile trials words may overcome. Discomfort doesn’t wait for tears to stop And before I can uncoil my clogged thoughts – I surrender to the compulsion of happiness so false, Ridiculed by misery , I feel so small. The restlessness of a grey day Seems to end in the melancholic silence of night But the perturbances of my mind Carry on the unending fight. A fight which leaves me divided,defeated A clash of unsaid words and answerless revolt A protest which soars up in some or the other form But is hindered from revelation by all the norms…

I walk down the street to feel tears in my eyes I walk up again to feel they hide inside I go on my way to see things going worse But my faults I still don’t realize. Each day passes as another mistake Effortless I remain with excuses so fake I hate the purposelessness to its extreme And still don’t realize what is at stake.. A change is needed Or the need is changed Attached to both ,disturbances remain. Whatever view of time I take It hits me the same again and again. Nothing can I hold firm Sensing the loss,I grow numb I pull and push myself And stand yet again lost at the next turn. I slip away from me,not from life Struggle to live,crave to die. I dwell under something I haven’t defined And survive with unrealized mistakes in my mind. The cover of life conceals my scars It inhibits me and demands my powers. I wrap the cover tightly around, Not wanting to surrender, I indulge in a war. I lose far more than a lost fight And need to keep the wraps tight. At every

in the noise of the day in the stillness of night in the echo of my laugh and in the tear of my eye, in the despair of losing and in the smile of achieving in the pieces of my shattered existence and in every moment i repent, in the fear of living and in the wait of death, in my soul, in each breath, inside my heart, inside my mind, in all i do, in all i hide inside me all the time i feel the same again and again u try to avoid the blues BUT I STILL MISS U!!!

something holds me back when i seek my death but i want to leave and never come back.. i hold nothing for this world, nor this world has anything for me i don't want to live with myself anymore; nor with anybody. may be i am hurt deeply and i keep on hurting others but i can no more stand this confusion 'cos i have grown a stranger here. misery surrounds me from every direction and pain comes running to me sorrow manifests itself as tears this life i'm unable to bear; i feel. i want to jump this life to its end i want to go to my GOD and stay there i asked my lord to call me to Him but i'm not lucky to get my death,i think... what holds me back is not anything worldly nobody and nothing calls me back, but my God doesn't allow me to end my life, when He sends death..then only i can die. grant my wish , i plead my survival is the biggest disturbance for me pain has buried itself inside myself and i've become a problem for everything as everything ha

Captured by insecurities Uncertainty gives me a refuge Gloom is held tight inside When miseries turn so huge Melancholy is so deep absorbed That it need not make its presence felt With all those horrors of sadness Words begin to melt. A second later and a second later Have thousands of years in between Widespread confusions sway in the air Whatever shall they mean.. In this battlefield everything is at war Though none has strength ,none has power No purpose of what is done is seen or known But finally everythingfalls down; coloured with gore. Those who are dead fall to the ground But the misfortunate alive is again dragged to life. Those who never entered this battlefield ; Are still at peace….. As I can see,living through it all Can turn out to be a pity..

Far across the sea, the sun is setting down beyond the horizons, it buries its radiance - throughout the night which can never be found. Behind he hills,the sun has gone And a deep dark silence is borne With the fall of darkness ; the hills Appear to be huge black stones. The deep woods turn black; The swinging trees seem to be lifeless pillars And gradually I realize that in the woods I am trapped; and I turn around to witness darkness everywhere. Until the sun had set, The woods were lively and fresh The depth of woods was then a beauty And now their depth adds to my misery. My breath has been trapped by the stillness of the woods, Not even a leaf dares to move But darkness moves into every corner And the night itself has become a funeral. When the sun shone the sand glittered and on the leaves, those dew drops shimmered. That shine was lost and taken away, And now darkness blocks my way. The trees, the hills and the sea Offer uninterrupted silence and unknown fear And this deep dark

Happy days are gone That smile doesn't return Tears are what I have What is there yet to come? To kill someone is murder; to kill oneself is suicide Out of this fury when will you come Where will you ultimately reside? Past has gone, future is dark There is no end,there is no start. Miseries gaze; I shut my eyes What is difficult - to live or to die? Darkness prevails adding to my misery Someone may be near; but I cant see. I walk and stumble; fall on my way And I could reach out to nothing but agony. Faces are turned, promises undone, Memories remain, rest is shunned. What was the truth; what is the lie? What was there , is not today in sight. Time ticks away; people pass by Life has become stagnant, I am left behind. No cure, no remedy exists for this state of mind As pain heightens, hopes try to commit suicide. Joy shed tears, miseries laugh Dreams betray, adversities last. Was that right? Is this wrong? No sense of judgment I've anymore. What went wrong no way I can find, C

Time slips from my hands I make castle out of sand A powerful wind sweeps it away And all my efforts are in vain. Sadness is in the air Everything seems hard to bear Wherever I go shadows follow me In this darkness nothing I can see. Dreams are broken Hopes are shattered Gone are those days When one could reckon. Painful heart, tearful eyes Are not the things that you need to survive. As efforts lose their way I think problems are here to stay. That cheer on face, that twinkle in the eyes And that frequent smile - all faded away And today as I see myself, I’ve nothing but dismay. The setting sun is not followed by a moonlit night Even the stars are nowdays not that bright. These clouds make this night dreadful and dark After every few steps , I’ve to make a new start. At the end of this journey where do I reach? Was this that I dreamed to achieve? My belief is shaken, And the faith weakens, In this sad heart of mine A piercing pain deepens. Unanswered questions, probing thoughts In wha

There was a time when silences made conversations, Silences gave joy and satisfaction. Now, silences are the dread of life Making every moment miserable. I lost what I could never achieve, I lost myself from a point that I could never reach. I sought to climb mountains and cross the seas, And to tread even the most difficult way But as I started off, a mere gust of wind swept me away. I don’t realize when these drops so insignificant Roll down my cheeks, making everything so faint. My lifeless existence is devoid of any feeling, Yet this living corpse of mine feels the pain. The storm in the desert makes my vision blurred, In the heat of agony, I’m churned. The cruel hands of time grab away illusion Even in the heat, feeling remain frozen. Reality grins on this piteous impasse, And whatever I see is nothing but a mirage. I am forced to follow the way – Even when on the sand I can see imprints of dismay. I run violently, From sorrows, from joys, From people, from life, From my ownself a

Smoke spreads in the sky, a fire rises beneath, A storm lies within me silent yet fierce. Fire burns brightly, darker gets the smoke, With all my efforts I try to breath but I’m choked. The stillness of this graveyard is such That you keep on waiting but no one turns, You think you had the worst of times, But still there is worse to come. This is not disappointment, this is not frustration, This is the reality now, which really matters. A defeated soldier in the war of life, Has no aim for which he should stride. Then why does he feels constant storm inside; Causing him pain, till ultimately he dies? But there are people for whom I should live, No matters how much the situation is grim, There are people for whom there should be my smiling face No matters how much this heavy heart aches. Then why can’t I bring joy to all those Why am I unable to stop being morose? They want to see happiness and cheer, But I’ve got so obsessed with tears – That as the compelled smile fades Again to brin

As darkness takes over light I lose whatever was in sight, If I close my eyes – what difference would it make When something is going wrong deep inside. Life is so haunting, death is a fantasy Anything I choose between the two; It offers misery. The deoth of the dark night and The depth of the black sky – Give me a sense of sillness of time; Of that darker side; of this undisturbed plight. The placid silence is violent enough To rip away my calm Life casts a dreadful shadow On its own charm.

humans devised words for their convenience,but there exist things which are much more than mere inconvenience...! so ,words can never actually define what we keep on trying to define to ourselves. well,this is just one small contradiction of this complicated life.. the words i use in my writings keep on repeating themselves as the misery keeps on repeating. the feeling is ever the same,only trying to intensify itself. i fall short of words ,never of distress. i would love to know your comments,if any...any experience or any piece of your writing you want to share. something i need to be at peace, who knows what that something is but it surely lies out of my reach. every step is no less a hurdle discomfort reaching its peak.. pain celebrates with misery giggling around as tears deny to be freed.